Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of museli?

A strong current pulled him in.

A classic Tommy Cooper gag

”I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make Tuesdays”

Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a ten year old school boy.

The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Trump said I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!’, takes one and jumps.

Boris said ‘I’m needed to sort out Britain’. He takes one and jumps.

The Pope said ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps.

Angela said to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting."

The 10 year old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA took my school bag."